Greetings from Syracuse, NY where I've been an artist-in-residence since Monday night. It was a packed three days of lectures, workshops and a performance for a video art class. I also bought a "Bumpit" at the RITE AID to get down Snooki Wong style. But it wasn't as trashcan as I was hoping it would be.

Now I get on a Greyhound bus at 1:15am bound for NYC. I'm going to work on my Cat Lady play for a few days then go home to LA where I can pack my stuff up, close escrow on the condo, and move in already!

If I don't survive my 6 hour (ARGH!) bus ride tonight, please remember me by the above video which I totally just found by accident on youtube just now. It's from a youth TV station thing that interviewed me when I was performing in San Francisco last November.

Also, a radio interview I did here in Syracuse is online already!

Labels: press

I emerge from my blogging silence in a hotel room in Tulsa, OK where the short version of the story is I had a helluva week. The long version of this week is reserved for a shrink's couch or tell-all autobiography. But in short, I'm no longer the nauseous home-buying mess that I was in LA. I'm feeling much better. I'm ready to face the world again when I close escrow in mid-March and enter life as a mortgage paying slave.

That is, if I can ever get home. I'm on the road for another week so I can pay for said new home. I head to New York tomorrow where my friend Ann, who was a recently eliminated contestant on a VH1 dating show is having me out to her school to do a lecture and performance! I know people in high places!


Contrary to popular belief, I did not "get killed" here in the Bible Belt. It is my first time in Oklahoma and I was so happy to be welcomed with these big banners downtown where my receding gums were on the display for the whole city to see!

Oklahoma is not a bunch of people in overalls and no shoes standing in fields with guns! They are people who love theater!


I did a public egomaniac dance in the street.


I took this picture of me on the festival posters on "Cherry Street" and a woman inside this studio ran out into the street after me screaming, "Are you the girl on the poster?"


The shows went so well. Some people asked me before I left, "Are there enough Asian women in Tulsa to come to your show?" And my response was, "I don't need an audience of only Asian women! White people love me!"

Kristina Wong is the new black! And Tulsa came out to my show! Only one older Asian woman came to my show. She was very sweet. An older Asian woman who put $5 in a Chinese New Year envelope and during the pre-show walked onto the stage and whispered, "Miss Wong? Happy New Year" and put it in my lap.

I never got to thank her. So I just wanted to let that lady know THANK YOU. It was very touching. THANK YOU!


Before Saturday's show we went to Pawhuska, an hour from Tulsa to check out the Bison.


It was like a road safari. We were able to see the Bison from the car. Many of them were just 20 feet from the road. Bison eat and shit in the same place-- what many would liken to a "workplace romance."


I avoided stepping on Bison pie! I have the rest of my life to step in shit.

Bedtime! Eastward ho!

Labels: rednecks, road wong

With some confidence I think I can announce that I've almost bought a condo!

It's not final. But I think.... soon I will be the owner of a lovely 1600 square foot condo. Two bedrooms and a loft. Hardwood floors. A washer and dryer, dishwasher and even a rooftop terrace for gardening. All mine.

Yes, it all happened that fast. And I can't even explain half of what I did or what happened, I've been in a daze of real estate terminology, home inspections, and handing over checks for insane amounts of money. I wake up every day wanting to vomit because this has been so overwhelming. The last two weeks has been a whirlwind of nausea. It really is stressful to think that every cent you've worked for still isn't enough to get you in the neighborhoods you really want to be in. And it's even more stressful to spend every cent you ever made all at ONCE.

But lord oh lord, is this finally the investment that I've been wanting to make all my life! I'm getting excited about trading in my IKEA furniture (which is already decomposing) and milk crate organizing system for real classy stuff!

I got priced out of Los Feliz, Silverlake, Echo Park. I did find some stuff within range in Chinatown and was kinda excited about the idea of brushing up on my Chinese as I move in with my people. Somehow I ended up finding this place in Koreatown which never dawned on me to move to, it's near public transportation, somewhat affordable and very central to everything in the city. I think I may stay here for only a few years, and either rent it out or sell and buy another bigger home in a few years. Property mogul and artist! YEAH!

I had a whole flood of emotional experiences. From visiting a condo in Chinatown where the owner (a very sweet woman) was dying of cancer and I was trying not to cry in her face as she told me she was going to go to a hospice... to going to a quirky tri-level unit in Silverlake that would have absolutely broke the bank and my heart because I just couldn't afford it... to looking at one super cheap unit across the street from the freeway and imagining the next few years of my life with the buzz of cars always in my conscious....

Home hunting been a very emotional ride. I had some moments where I thought maybe I should just give up. Rent forever. Wait for Armageddon and buy then. But that didn't seem right either. This was it. The Armageddon to buy in is the one right now.

If these next few weeks go smoothly, if all the repairs are done, I'll be headed towards my lovely new condo in Koreatown next month.

It's not where I'd imagined living. But I think for what my needs are and what my budget is, it's great starter property. I have one room I can rent out to a roommate. I have a loft for my office and craft activities, and a large bedroom with cathedral ceilings! I also can throw some nice dinner parties! If I have a roommate then my monthly payments are about the same as my rent now. Because it's a condo (my HOA fees are relatively low at $220 a month), it's easier to maintain and I can tour more without worrying too much about my home falling apart when I'm gone.

I appreciate all of you that have been so optimistic and encouraging. I also appreciate all the private emails people have sent with advice. It really is a whole other ballgame to be on this side of the fence. It's not an easy process, but I definitely think in the long run, it's the way to go.

Fingers crossed. This is one of my big life's goals, and I'm finally making it a reality! I've worked so hard to get here, and I am proud and know I've earned it. I'm a grown ass woman now.

I've learned some things about real estate.

1. If it's been on the market for a while and is priced cheap, something is wrong. It probably is a major fixer upper or located in an undesirable area. Good stuff in Los Angeles usually gets snatched fast! (My condo was on the market 4 days when I made the offer.)

2. Learn to write a "love letter" to woo the buyer. Luckily, I write grants all the time, so I whipped out the most convincing love letter of why I was most worthy to move in and the buyer chose me of all the offers! Go me!

3. Get a good, thorough and hungry realtor. It isn't enough to have a friend with a real estate license. Someone with thick skin who can bully up with the rest of them. It's a tough business and I never realized how hardcore these realtors can be when doing these negotiations. They have to move fast!!!! I have a great realtor named Ella who is younger than me and was so on it! She sometimes would be up at 1am prepping listings for us to check out. She was also super thorough and would know how to get tough.

4. Get a time machine and buy property in 2002 or 2003.

5. Short Sales are a slow and frustrating strategy to buy. Short Sales take months to go through and usually go for way more than what they are listed at because the low listing cost is to provoke bidding wars. I almost made a few offers on short sales but realized quickly I neither had the patience nor the actual money they would end up selling at.

Labels: Open House, property mogul

I got a little teary watching this clip of my friend Brian marrying a total stranger as his way of showing how ridiculous laws barring gay marriage are. Why can two straight strangers marry but not a loving gay couple that has been together forever? Why aren't they entitled to the same rights?

If anything, Brian's gesture a great satire of weddings. Why do straight people commit to one person FOREVER? Why do straight people get married so fast? Why do straight women get into these legally binding arrangements with straight men they want to father their kids when these men will probably change and disappoint them down the road or have anger and anxiety issues? (I'm totally projecting from my last relationship, but I'm probably right.)

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day! I'm spending Valentine's Day closing on a my first condo (details to come as this becomes a reality!) and making out with my wife. See below...



"If you can't love yourself, how the hell you going to love anyone else?" -- RuPaul

Labels: marriage grown up crap, sex is unnecessary when you have yarn

Brian Feldman will marry ANYONE! from Concrete Lion Pictures on Vimeo.

I take a break from the nauseating task of trying to buy a home in LA, to share with you the latest brilliant project of my friend Brian Feldman. You may remember him from an earlier blog post. He is indeed, Orlando's broker, balder and more brilliant version of David Blaine.

Brian is doing this week what a lot of my friends had joked about doing in the wake of same sex marriage rights being completely written out of state constitutions. Brian is exercising his power, no, HIS RIGHT, to marry a total stranger. And by stranger, I mean... a woman stranger...because you know, the law and all...

Brian agreed to marry any woman who showed up at the Orlando Courthouse at 3pm yesterday. Three women showed up. One woman with a baby strapped to her. So Brian picked his wife in the most sincere way possible, by spinning a water bottle. Then the lucky lady proceeded to fill out a marriage license with him. On Friday, Brian Feldman marries Hannah Miller. I don't know who she is and nor does he. Though apparently, she has a very understanding boyfriend.

If I had the time to fly to Florida and wasn't so desperately trying to preserve my FICO score in the wake of trying to buy a house here... I would have gotten myself hitched to that nice Jewish boy myself. Brian Feldman and I could have showed the world: Marriage is for fags.

But instead, I enjoy this nonsense from a distance. And so can you.

Labels: art talk, dying alone, marriage grown up crap

I woke up the other night to the sounds of a police helicopter circling for what sounded like hours. I fell asleep and then woke up again to the sounds of homeless people crushing cans in the alleyway. Yep, I'm back home in Los Angeles.

I just got off a Skype call with my director Katie Pearl where I cried and cried and yes, cried to her. We just finished an amazing run of Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in Arizona last weekend. It was sold out, standing ovation, they put me up in a 3000 seat theater (but the seating for my show was 200 seats on the stage... a stage which they built for me thankyouverymuch), then the (Republican!) mayor came as well as ASU Gammage's very generous theater patrons with extremely warm feedback.

Creating and touring Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest has been a helluva journey. From the first miserable runs of this show that clocked in at 2 hours, Q&As where I held back angry tears because every audience question sounded like a personal attack, walking the streets of cities I've toured through catatonic and shaking with depression because I felt like I handed over my soul for the price of a pay-what-you-can-ticket.... this show has come a long long way baby. It's was like a deformed baby that now could place in a kiddy beauty pageant. I am so blessed that I had so many shots to get this show down right. And I am so proud of what I've accomplished with it.
I am proud that people I've never met organize themselves in groups to come. I am proud when I get emails after from people telling me how much the performance affected them. I am proud when people tell me how fearless the writing is.

And most importantly, I've survived what has easily been the most excruciating and lonely life that one can imagine (dragging around an exhausting show about suicide which is performed alone and supported, virtually alone) and returning home to unsatisfying and/or non existent romantic relationships (which includes an abusive relationship with my spraying cat).

I cried and cried to Katie because I really felt like the process of doing this show (going into YEAR 4!!!!) has been a bittersweet learning and growing experience. But what I'm really learning, is how important self-respect is. I've played the shittiest venues, I've worked hard for no pay, I've worked with (and dated!) people who claim to want to help but have put me down.

My time at MacDowell was a real time of creation but it also was a ripe time for me to reflect on how hard I work and how I do not deserve anything less than how hard I've worked.

I've been through the trenches and as Mary J. Blige would say, "No more drama." I'm on a "no-bullshit" diet. No more depleting gigs, depleting relationships, and no more depleting collaborators.

So what better way to celebrate my newfound pride and self-respect than take on the totally demoralizing activity of trying to buy a home in Los Angeles?

I started looking at houses today with an approval letter for a home loan in hand. Can I just say that banks are really good about not laughing in your face when you explain what it is you do for a living?

What can a performance artist buy in Los Angeles you ask? And also, a performance artist who still refuses to buy a car? And actually, cannot buy a car if she is to also pay off a mortgage? And finish a show about not owning a car which hopefully will help her pay off the mortgage?

Um, well... right now, the options are not plenty. What I can achieve in affordability, I compromise in aesthetics and safety.

In fact, I must confess that a certain panic has set in as I look at these homes.

Am I really ready to commit to a mortgage for 30 years? Am I going to be making enough as an artist the next 30 years for my mortgage? And am I going to be ok living in some of these neighborhoods I can afford?

Suddenly, the thought of taking that low-ball gig where I am splayed out afterwards too exhausted to cry sounds so good. That collaborator who tells me I'm half-assed but doesn't charge much for her time sounds like a good bargain. Suddenly, "taking my time" before moving in with someone I'm dating sounds completely fiscally irresponsible.

Suddenly, when confronted with a mortgage, all those bets on all those self-respecting aspirations... they're off!

Labels: Open House

From the snow to the desert. I am in the Grady Gammage theater right now and there are like 12 crew people setting up the stage for me. Oh no wait... they are BUILDING a stage for me. JESUS! Is this really my life? The show is almost sold out and I've never even been here before. My name shows up on advertisements next to Mary Poppins which also plays here. The talk I'm giving tonight will have like 80 people there.

I give talks in different classes every day and someone from ASU picks me up and drops me by. And they ask me what I'd like to drink and bring it for me. After having sat in the woods fighting my humidifier, and wondering if I am really an artist or not, I can't believe the fanfare here. I can't believe this is my awesome life.

Nine years ago, I wrote my first solo show and was scraping by making a living on ebay. I was playing whatever venue would have me. Now I have all these crew people here setting up a stage for my show. I am selling out cities I've never been to before. I feel like a rock star.

(A non-profit rock star.)

Labels: artist life, road wong